mightydoll: (navel gaze)
[personal profile] mightydoll
In a conversation with someone who read my last post, I said the following (in italics - slightly edited for length and relevance and then with a little added, because I can never leave my own writing alone).

I'm curious what y'all think about it. ummmm...guess just your own perspectives on dating, poly, and the whys and wherefores.

Motives for dating new people? I think, for me, it can be boiled down to: It's fun. Yes, I can bond platonically, but I have lots of platonic friends. It's really not the same.

An example: I asked myself, in my post, if things would be different now if the wondermonkey and I had never slept together. I'm not sure if they would or not but if the reason he's not in my life any more has to do with the half dozen times (give or take) that we had sex, I'd trade those times to still have a friendship which was a couple years in the building.

That said, the time that we spent as lovers was special to me, too. Something more than our friendship and something I valued on its own terms. There are some great memories, there, and ones I'd be a bit sad to give up.

Are you into sex outside of your primary relationship for validation? Possibly. Am I? Also possible, but I get a fair amount of validation from my partner and my friends. I've seeked sex for external validation before(the aforementioned wondermonkey not excluded), and this particular desire feels a little different. But if there's one thing I know about people, it's that we're GREAT at telling ourselves what we want to hear.

also: why does the icon for pensive look so sad? I'm not sad, now. Mostly just feeling navel-gazey about it all.

on 2010-01-27 12:21 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] tornattheelbo.livejournal.com
i don't see why this has to be about validation. I recognize that I'm a whole person outside of my relationships with people. Can we not just sleep with people because it's (usually) enjoyable and fun?

I don't want to look at people as a way of 'completing' me. I'm complete! Aren't I??

on 2010-01-27 03:36 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] professor-booty.livejournal.com
Not validation in the sense of your being incomplete. Validation in the sense of being desired and appreciated by a new partner. While long term relationships have a depth and comfort that has no parallel, it's still exciting to meet someone new who thinks that you're still attractive, and a worthy lover.

But there's more to it than that. I'll write a longer reply later today. :)

on 2010-01-27 04:28 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] tornattheelbo.livejournal.com
ok fine, i'll buy that for a dollar. I like the thrill of the chase, when the chasings are good.

on 2010-01-27 03:00 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] papertowlbtrfly.livejournal.com
Off topic...well, not really:
Me thinks that you should come see roller derby with Jayson and I in February.


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