mightydoll: (Default)
so...anyone have one going spare?

I'm curious
mightydoll: (navel gaze)
In a conversation with someone who read my last post, I said the following (in italics - slightly edited for length and relevance and then with a little added, because I can never leave my own writing alone).

I'm curious what y'all think about it. ummmm...guess just your own perspectives on dating, poly, and the whys and wherefores.

Motives for dating new people? I think, for me, it can be boiled down to: It's fun. Yes, I can bond platonically, but I have lots of platonic friends. It's really not the same.

An example: I asked myself, in my post, if things would be different now if the wondermonkey and I had never slept together. I'm not sure if they would or not but if the reason he's not in my life any more has to do with the half dozen times (give or take) that we had sex, I'd trade those times to still have a friendship which was a couple years in the building.

That said, the time that we spent as lovers was special to me, too. Something more than our friendship and something I valued on its own terms. There are some great memories, there, and ones I'd be a bit sad to give up.

Are you into sex outside of your primary relationship for validation? Possibly. Am I? Also possible, but I get a fair amount of validation from my partner and my friends. I've seeked sex for external validation before(the aforementioned wondermonkey not excluded), and this particular desire feels a little different. But if there's one thing I know about people, it's that we're GREAT at telling ourselves what we want to hear.

also: why does the icon for pensive look so sad? I'm not sad, now. Mostly just feeling navel-gazey about it all.
mightydoll: (Default)
It's been a long, long time since I've made an in depth post about the state of the Deni. Even now, I'm not sure where to begin, or how much of this is going to get out onto the page, but I've put the kids to bed and I've promised myself that I'd do this soon, because I process better when I write it out.

As some of you know, but many of you probably don't, Nick's been seeing a new woman for about a month and a half. She's sweet and bubbly and oh-so-optimistic. They're swoon-y and mushy and having a great time. I'm not jealous, I'm really happy for them, and I genuinely enjoy watching them flirt and smile. It makes me smile too. But I'm very, very envious.

It's been a long time since I've been in that place. Even with the hippies, I didn't really get much opportunity to get there. The ground was never stable under our feet, there was always something to fret about, there was never enough time to just be together, there were too many people trying desperately to...what?...Idunno, it just seemed like noone could just let us be together alone and build the kind of relationship we all seemed to want. There was jealousy to deal with, and envy, and slut-shaming and so many demands and just generally not much fun a lot of the time. It was tempestuous at best, and while storm chasing can be exciting, eventually I want to just go to bed and listen to the rain fall.

Apart from it being a long time since I've been swept up in getting to know someone new, I'm also acutely aware of how much of my own optimism has waned over the years. I used to be pretty upbeat and trusting; much like Nick's new flame. She's not so different from a me I vaguely remember from 10 years ago. Now, a lot of it seems foolish to me, but parts of it I really miss. I wonder if I'm even equipped to get to that silly, infatuated, place that I sometimes crave. I was never one to get infatuated with someone I'd just met, so there's a difference, there. I've always been slower to warm up to people, slower to open up, but all the same, I did get giddy, once, and I miss those tentative first kisses, the feedback of a new body as I run fingertips over it, the bubbling anticipation of getting to know a new body and a new soul.

I find myself increasingly bitter about lost friends, my mind lingering on old lovers wistfully, and old almost-lovers and old never-were lovers. I spent several days recently deciding whether to get back in touch with Graham, because I miss him like crazy, only to realize I don't have his phone number any more (and really, it would be a spectacularly bad idea, anyway). I miss drinking with the wondermonkey, and wonder if things would be different if we'd never slept together. I'd rather have kept him as a friend. He was a good one. I'm so very angry at Mike G. for throwing away our friendship the way he did, and I don't think I'll ever quite forgive Lynne and NONE of this is shit I should be lingering over, still thinking about, still mourning. Except that maybe in all this lies the answer to why I feel so acutely that I'll never be able to have those kinds of fully trusting, fully present, relationships again.

I've been dating again, putting myself out there, and I've met a few nice people. I have another date on Thursday, but so far, none of them excite me. I don't think it's them. I think it's me, and I'm not sure why or how to fix it. I miss getting excited about people. I think I may have lost the last of my faith in them, as a whole and I find that profoundly depressing, at times.
mightydoll: (Default)
Hey folks, I know many of you know more about dietary stuff than I do, so I'm asking the lazyweb:

My guts haven't been the same since my run-in with Norwalk. Other than yoghurt, are there other things I can eat to improve my digestion and re-stumulate my appetite? (I've barely eaten since being sick)


Dec. 22nd, 2009 07:07 pm
mightydoll: (Default)
MC: Mom! I've discovered my talent!

Me: That's great news honey, what is it?

MC: I'm really good at coaching babies in professional wrestling!

Me: ...I see. Do you get dental with that?

MC: It makes lots of money. Enough that I can go to Paris all the time!

Me: Is there much call for baby wrestling in Paris?

MC: They love it!

Me: So you're big in the Parisian baby wrestling scene is what you're saying.

MC: Oh yes.
mightydoll: (Default)
With our roommate moving out soon, we're looking to rent a furnished room (possibly hosting an international student)

As such, we're in the market for bedroom furniture cheap (or free).

If anyone reading has things taking up space, please let us know!
mightydoll: (Default)
Me: Hey Baz, Dad says he talked to you about going to Mongolian Grill for your birthday dinner, is that what you'd like to do?

B: Well, I'd kind of like to get sushi. I don't know what there is at Mongolian Grill, I've never been.

Me: Remember we went to one in Ann Arbor with Jenna? Where you guys made tortilla snowflakes?

B: oh yeah!

Me: But I think this one is a bit different, Dad said something about them having a buffet, too, with shellfish.

B: OH! Well, if they have shellfish, then great, but if not, I want to go for sushi.

Me: Ok, let's check (Nick calls) Ok, they have crab and shrimp and mussels.

B: Sounds great, I love those! But of course technically mussels aren't shellfish, because they're not arthropods, technically only arthropods are shellfish. You can tell an arthropod because it has a segmented body and an exoskeleton and legs that are jointed. Some examples of arthropods are lobsters...... crabs......scorpions.......scorpions.....scorpions and other arachnids.......trilobites.......... crayfish......... millipedes (me: ugh! millipedes). Technically, mussels are mollusks...... not shellfish at all.

But I like mussels too, so it doesn't matter that they're not arthropods.

Me: ...great! Mongolian Grill it is.
mightydoll: (Default)
I don't really have much in the way of memories between about 8 am and when Basil was born at 12:30pm, so I can't tell you, short of "labouring", what I was doing at this exact moment 11 years ago, but a few hours later we got to meet an awesome little guy who just keeps getting bigger and more awesome.

Happy Birthday Basil!
mightydoll: (Default)
I'm taking a course and I'm hoping to pick these three books up used, if possible.

Does anyone have a copy they're looking to sell of either

The Doula Book

Klaus, Klaus, and Kennell

(previously titled Mothering the Mother)


Pregnancy, Childbirth and the Newborn – The Complete Guide

Simkin, Whalley, and Keppler


The Birth Partner

Penny Simkin
mightydoll: (Default)
"I have an 8 year old daughter in the house that we're trying to bring up happy and healthy, and she doesn't need to have this unrealistic body image paraded in front of her once a month"

Nick, in trying to cancel an unsolicited (but addressed) catalogue delivery for the 3rd time.
mightydoll: (Default)
We're after a location for a party in June. We're hoping for somewhere that will let us use the space for a guaranteed minimum bar tab, relatively clean, for up to 150 people and live music.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

Places we're waiting to hear from (in case anyone knows anything about them) are Wrongbar and Revival.
mightydoll: (Default)

You Scored as III - The Empress

The Empress is a maternal symbol. She is the mother figure who loves, nurtures and protects. She will protect you, she will always be there when you are in trouble. When you fall over and graze your knee, the Empress will kiss it better. Yet she is not a weak figure. Her compassion is strength. If her children are threatened she will stop at nothing to protect them. If well aspected in a Tarot spread, the Empress can symbolise security, protection and unconditional love. If badly aspected it can represent over-protectiveness, fear of risk taking and refusal to face the real world.

III - The Empress
XV: The Devil
VI: The Lovers
VIII - Strength
XIII: Death
I - Magician
XVI: The Tower
II - The High Priestess
XI: Justice
XIX: The Sun
0 - The Fool
IV - The Emperor
X - Wheel of Fortune
mightydoll: (Default)
Today, I found myself in the unique (for me) position of not being able to express a thought without using the word "whuffie"

("She's lost some whuffie in my books, but this is my shit, not yours.")

Would I have been able to express that thought adequately before reading Down and Out in the Magic Kingdom? (which I read 2 years ago, at least) or would it have been one of those thoughts that went inadequately articulated? Has my vocabulary grown, or merely changed/limited?


Oct. 6th, 2009 04:47 pm
mightydoll: (Default)
My sitter for tonight just cancelled (about an hour after confirming plans, yikes!)

Is anyone available who'd be interested in sitting with my kids after bedtime tonight? I'll feed them, and get them to bed and all, I just need someone in the house to make sure it doesn't burn down or whatever.
mightydoll: (Default)
Just under 3 weeks before my 5th birthday, John Lennon was shot dead outside the Dakota (I'll get to how this pertains to Polanski, bear with me). At 5 years old it had never occurred to me that someone could just take away someone else's life. Murder was not a concept I'd ever considered and it was terrifying and devastating to learn about. I knew about death; my maternal grandfather had passed away the year previous, and I knew what devastation and sadness death caused. The thought that someone could cause that, and, further, that someone would want to cause that just blew my mind.

When I was about 12 or 13, I checked out the novelization of Rosemary's Baby from the library. I left the book on the dining room table one evening and my mother expressed disapproval. She expressed to me that she didn't think it was appropriate to consume Roman Polanski's media, because he had raped a little girl and fled the country. The cognitive dissonance in those words was similar to that which I experienced at 5.

He'd done it. Everyone knew he'd done it. He'd admitted to it and not shown remorse (and for all those who claim he has, I ask them to prove it. Certainly we've all read the quote from the Martin Amis interview by now: "If I had killed somebody, it wouldn't have had so much appeal to the press, you see? But...fucking, you see, and the young girls. Judges want to fuck young girls. Juries want to fuck young girls. Everyone wants to fuck young girls!") He'd been convicted and then, somehow, he was able to just waltz away. This rapist of a young girl, a child about my age, was living large in France and completely untouchable. How was that possible? 12 year old me wanted to know, how could that BE? Further, people were abetting his evasion. They were continuing to support and celebrate this man.

It sent a message to me then, that young girls are being sent now, that we were/they are less important than this story I was reading, (which incidentally, featured a terrifying rape scene or two).

When the news broke that Roman Polanski had finally been apprehended, I was jubilant. I turned to the internet, expecting a similar sense of celebration. For two days, almost everywhere I looked, I saw apologism, I saw celebrities I admired (and many I've never heard of) championing an admitted child rapist, and petitioning for his release. It felt like a kick in the guts. It feels like it did when I was 12 and I found out that it was even possible for someone to walk away. HOW my brain screams at me, HOW is it possible that people are taking this stand?

I've been obsessed with finding people who've spoken out against Polanski. I'm following the Dreamwidth list and the Shakesville list with a passionate need. I'm surprised, myself, with how personally I've taken this, with how obsessed (and obsessed really is the word, I'm a bit embarrassed to admit that I've thought of little else since the news broke) I am, and I think it just comes down to utter incredulity. I need to know that there are at least as many people out there willing to speak out against this subhuman waste of skin as there are trying to support him (and really, I don't give a shit about his art. I don't think I've ever seen one of his movies, and I'm pretty sure my life is not a swirling vortex of culturelessness because of it).

I'm just...so disappointed.
mightydoll: (Default)
So, my son is in grade six now, and so begins the part of social studies I hate the most: current events.

Now, lest you think I'm preferring to be an ostrich with my head in the sand, I do think it's important for good citizens to know what's going on in their world. My problem is with the approach to current events that has always been curriculum approved.

Buy a newspaper (they can now use an accepted internet news source), regurgitate what the newspaper is telling you for your classmates. Make sure you parrot all the talking points, but in your own words, to show you've understood.

How does parroting show you've understood, exactly? That isn't current events, that's reading comprehension, and the LAST thing I want my kid to sit through is days of 11 year olds parroting what our media sources have to say about current events.

Take for example the news coverage of Roman Polanski's recent arrest (which my son might actually cover, since we had a long talk about it last night). By the news reports, what an 11 year old will take away is that a wealthy, powerful, man used his influence and power to rape have sex with a young girl (no mention of the fact that there are SIX counts on that record, by the way - no mention that he did so repeatedly). However, this man shouldn't be held accountable because he had a hard life (Auschwitz, the murder of his pregnant wife) and he makes great movies (which he's continued to be celebrated for) In every article I've seen, the government is wrong, wrong, WRONG to arrest him on his way to an awards ceremony, and the fact that he RAPED A LITTLE GIRL, a child barely older than the kids in my son's class, is downplayed, barely mentioned, or written off as a spot of bother way back in the 70's (a time which, to an 11 year old, probably sounds like pre-history). Rape aplogism at its height.

The thing is, all newspapers are like this, they ALL have a tilt, and kids aren't expected to comment on the stories, they aren't expected to go to several sources for the stories (they're too young for in depth research, I assume - I'd certainly have issues with age-appropriateness if they were expected to do that level of research, in addition to all their other homework - which is significant) and they aren't taught how to look at them objectively (they are taught that about advertising, but there's very much the idea that reliable news sources are reliable).

I remember trying to bring my own questioning of news stories into the classroom in grades 6-10. Each time I was told I was meant to regurgitate, not comment. I was lectured on my own "journalistic integrity", ignoring the journalistic integrity of the articles themselves. I was meant to be a "reporter" not to give an editorial.

I would like to see what happens if my son gives an editorial, but I don't have high hopes that it'll effect his grade in a positive manner.

Thoughts? Suggestions? Dis/agreements? I welcome feedback on this one, cuz I'm struggling with coming to grips with it.
mightydoll: (Default)
I'm proud of my son.

Raising him has not been as easy as raising my daughter. That's a true fact. But no-one ever said having kids was easy and for every frustration his autism causes him and the people around him, there is wit, and intelligence, and joy in greater portion. He's not a burden on his family, his school, or his society. He's a remarkable young man. It's not autism that destroys families, creates anger, and fear, and hopelessness, but the way that autistics and their families and support people are treated, torn down, and marginalized by exactly the sort of ignorance that Autism Speaks capitalizes on.

So when I saw this video response to Autism Speaks' newest "PSA" it made me feel pretty warm and fuzzy inside.


Sep. 18th, 2009 05:00 pm
mightydoll: (Default)
B's teacher assigned all the parents a "homework assignment" on the first day of school. Because I'm a terrible procrastinator, I just finished it. We were to write about our kids. For the curious, here's B in a nutshell:

Basil is the eldest child of separated parents. He has one younger sister, MC, who is in grade three french immersion at (redacted). He has a step-father, N, who he loves dearly, and a dog and a cat at my home. In addition, his father has been seeing a woman, E, for two years now who is very much a part of his life. She has a son, A, who is also in grade three, and the children are often together at his dad's house.

B has Asperger's Syndrome, a high-functioning form of autism. As a baby and small child, this caused him to be extremely volatile, and easily overwhelmed and frustrated. His temper was quite formidable, and he could be violent and aggressive. Much work on his part, and the part of his parents, however, has helped him become quite a sweet young man. While he is still prone to outbursts when frustrated, he is very good at controlling the impulse to lash out.

While it may not seem evident, B is a perfectionist. He becomes very upset when he can't do something well the first time. This is a significant impediment to his ability to succeed, as he tends to give up on things which he cannot accomplish perfectly.

He spoke very early (his first word was "book" and he was only 5 months old when he said it!) and has an enormous vocabulary. As you have likely noticed, however, his ability to put his thoughts into words is markedly challenged. He is an avid reader, preferring non-fiction. He absorbs facts and trivia at an impressive rate, and is particularly interested in biology.

An anecdote: When he was 3, we were at the doctor for his annual physical, where he noticed a model strand of DNA. Pointing it out to the doctor, he said: "That's a double-helix! That's the shape DNA is. DNA stands for deoxyribonucleic acid." The doctor, astounded, asked me if he had just said what the doctor thought he said (B's dysfluency was quite pronounced back then). When I affirmed, the doctor expressed that he was impressed by his intelligence and asked B if he wanted to be a doctor when he grew up. B replied that no, he wanted to be an ice cream truck driver.

B's current interests include biology, video games, comic books, and drawing. His best friends are R and G. He wants to be an inventor when he grows up and is already trying to solve the problem of a perpetual motion machine, which he sees as the best solution to the energy crisis. He self-identifies as a pagan and a socialist.
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