Feb. 6th, 2009


Feb. 6th, 2009 06:17 pm
mightydoll: (Default)
1) I'm beginning to suspect that my maternal family suffers from some form of neurological degradation in excess of that which normally accompanies age. Myself, my mother and my grandmother at least, all seem(ed) to become far more ditzy and scatterbrained over time. Personally, I've noticed a significant loss in my speech and language centres over the last ten years, leading me to wonder if we're prone to mini-strokes. This hypothesis is reinforced by the fact that one side of my mother's face is slightly less expressive than the other, but it wasn't always so.

2) Significant loss to my speech and language abillities is a HUGE blow to my self-esteem, which was always bolstered by my working vocabulary and writing skills, which used to be quite a bit more advanced than average. I wonder about cause and effect here - since self-expression is also related to confidence.

3) I have very little self-confidence. I am paralytically afraid of failure, which leads to avoidance that can only lead to one thing: failure.

4) I have an irrational phobia about things relating to money.

5) I have a very extreme sense of humour, and love to make satirical, off-colour jokes. This can go very poorly in social situations, as I'm also pretty good at playing it straight, resulting in the occasional assumption that my comments are not meant as parody, and consequently, to horror. Also, sometimes when parody is understood, I occasionally (entirely accidentally) hit a nerve, consequently leading people to think I'm making fun of them.

6) If I'm making fun of you, you'll know it beyond a shadow of a doubt. I also almost certainly don't mean it, but am simply, as they say across the pond, "taking the piss"

7) I'm fairly shy, and tend to overcompensate for this by pretending to be outgoing. This can often result in putting my foot in my mouth, since I've over-ridden my internal filters. It's also exhausting.

8) I often do not give advice or share knowledge or ideas because I'm not sure it'll be taken well, only to get jealous when I see others lauded and thanked and rewarded for saying what I was afraid to say.

9) I have very little idea what I want to be when I grow up. Or rather, very little realistic idea.

10) My children are more important to me than anything else on the planet, and about once a month I have an anxiety attack about fucking them up, having them grow up to resent me, being deemed unfit because of Basil's school performance, having them grow up to be unhappy, not being able to save Basil from bullies, MC feeling overshadowed by a brother who is so much more high needs, etc etc etc.

11) While I don't make friends easily, those I do have mean the world to me and I'm extremely loyal.

12) I am extremely patient with other people's flaws and foibles, but the gloves come off when I feel betrayed.

13) I love wilderness camping, complete with building my own shelter, but the more I try to emulate civilization, the less I enjoy camping. I can't wait until my kids are old enough to be useful in a wilderness camping scenario. As it is now, "civilized camping" seems the less stressful.

14) I would really like to build a straw-bale or hillside house on a piece of land big enough to self sustain. In fact, what I'd like to do is have a giant piece of land which is split up between several homesteads which cooperate.

15) Every now and then I try to learn to crochet with almost no success. I'm trying again right now.

16) I'm very jealous of people who can draw or sing. I'm hopeless at both.

17) I can gain a basic understanding sufficient to play a small repertoire of easy songs on almost any musical instrument very, very quickly. Guitar seems to be the exception to this. I'm not sure why, but the guitar does not make sense to me at all. Beyond a basic understanding, however, I plateau for a while, and seem to have to work extra hard to take it to the next level.

18) I'm a research hound. When I get a question in my head, it's very hard to stop me from learning the answer immediately, and to drag me away from researching it extensively.

19) I didn't do this for a long time because I didn't figure anyone would read it.

20) I have a near superhuman ability to soothe a crying baby - often to sleep.

21) I cannot stay in the same room as a sleeping baby for long without being overcome by sleepiness myself, regardless of how well-rested I am. It's a very strange sensation, unlike any other time when I'm tired.

22) I think my sleep cycle is longer than most. To get a good night's sleep (ie three cycles) I need about 9-10 hours in bed.

23) Despite the fact that I haven't been a member of the AGO for several years, I still receive the members email and magazine. I'm not sure why.

24) I am petrified of confrontation and avoid it at all costs.

25) Sometimes I think I want more kids, but then I come to my senses. That said, I don't think it's that I don't want more kids, it's simply that I don't want more kids in this life. If I felt like there was a better support system, more chances to home school and as though I was equipped to provide them with a nurturing, holistic community and environment, I'd want a whole brood.


Feb. 6th, 2009 06:21 pm
mightydoll: (Default)
(I'm fascinated at how much these have changed over the years)

MC: (giggling) At school I have a pencil that's supposed to say "classmates" on it. I sharpened it today, and I didn't mean to, it was an accident, but now it says "assmates"!


mightydoll: (Default)

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